Season Preview - Bye Offseason!

Ahead of tomorrow’s opening match versus Real Salt Lake, Clon and I sat down to discuss a few of the talking points ahead of the season. We brought in a few of our own ideas, and also took questions from our Twitter followers, who have remained faithful to us over the last few years, and we thank them for that. Special shoutout to @mpacific, @HootieSmurf, @rhinoblues, and @dersho_ for supplying a few talking points. I’d shoutout @STARCHITECT93 as well, but his question sucked.

The questions follow no logical progression, and they were mostly thought up while I was in the shower.

If you disagree with any of our points, feel free to yell at us and link our quotes online and point out how dumb we are. Or just leave a comment. Your choice, I guess.

What place will the Timbers finish in the West?

Dran: 4^th place. If the defense can withstand the first few months without a full-powered attack, I think they’ll be able to get some positive results in the summer, a time when historically they haven’t been their best. We’ve got a relatively easy July this year compared to previous seasons, with SJ and Vancouver at home and Philly and FCD away (oof, the heat), but who knows where we’ll be with USOC at that time. I doubt we’ll place higher than LA, Seattle, or Sporting, but I think we’ll have a good number of points over SJ, Colorado, and Houston.

Clon: I'm gonna say 5th. I think the back line will bail us out of a lot of bad situations. Plays will go through the midfield that normally might not have had we had a full strength midfield. Chara is great, but he can't defend box-to-box and sideline-to-sideline (Dran interrupts here to point out that Chara in fact can do everything, but he remains humble instead). Offense will score enough goals to snag wins. It's an odd-numbered season, so we'll be fine. I guess 5th really isn't fine, though.

Will they be able to survive the first 2 months without Valeri and Johnson?

Dran: No. I said in the last question that I thought we could earn a playoff spot if we have a good defensive effort in the first two months, but I don’t see us picking up many wins in that period. The preseason showed us few glimpses of attacking opportunities, but it wasn’t until the final game versus a young Stabaek side that we saw any real threats. I’m confident that Jewsbury can step in beside Chara, but I don’t think Adi or Urruti will be able to pick up the offensive output that Valeri provides – and I don’t think Nagbe can even come close.

Clon: Yes. Literally none of the Timbers will pass away during that time frame.

Football-wise it will be rough. If you thought last season was hard, this one will be a new gauntlet. I don't have much faith in Gata creating, if that's where he ends up. Again, the back line may keep us in a lot of matches.

Who will be the leading goal-scorer?

Dran: Adi. He challenged for this spot last season after coming in late, and typically our highest scorers have been the big forwards on the team – Cooper, Boyd, and R. Johnson. Adi will get 12 goals and a few more in other competitions.

Clon: Maxi. But possibly Adi. Both had steady goal clips. Adi has the benefit of (PLEASE DEAR SOCCER LORDS) playing a full season this campaign. 

Will Asprilla start?

Dran: On Saturday? Yes. Gaston works well with Urruti, and he tires after 30 minutes – something we saw early last season and in this preseason. This 60^th minute substitution partnership will pay dividends as we look to get a late go-ahead goal, but Asprilla’s work on both sides of the ball are necessary to keep us alive.

Clon: Sporadically, yes. Rodwall may want to watch his back. Spree had a pretty good showing at the Simple Invitational.

Dran: I didn’t know “Spree” was a nickname, but cool.

Will the Timbers give up fewer penalties?

Dran: Yes. Kah is gone, and I think the biggest threats now are Powell’s youth and Chara’s tenacity. I imagine we’ll still have some BS moments with officials, especially at home, but not to the extent of last season.

Clon: Kah is gone.

Will Besler or Fochive see time with the first team in the MLS regular season?

Dran: Yes. I am willing to place all the money that I would have spent on a new Timbers primary kit on the line and say that Besler will see a substitution appearance in the first two months. Of course, that money is exactly $0 because the new kit is shit, but it’s the thought that counts, right? If we’re holding a 1-goal lead in the last 15 minutes, it’s hard to look past Caleb’s tendency to substitute a holding midfielder…but at the moment the only time that really sticks out to me is versus Seattle last year. Oh, Zemanski, we’ll miss you, but we won’t miss that.

Clon: I think at some point, Fochive will, if not tomorrow's match with the injury situation in midfield. I'm thinking Besler will get USOC and T2 time, barring something even more completely catastrophic. I'm not touching that atrocious kit or betting anything.

Will the new primary kits look nice in person, in the stands and on TV?

Dran: No. LOL. It’s dark green. (Clon mentions it could be White and Gold, though.)

Clon: No, no and no. But I hope we win the league because @TheNicestJerk is getting the kit tattooed on his leg if we do.

Can Urruti keep up his strike rate this season, playing what looks to be a primarily 60^th-minute sub role?

Dran: Urruti had one of the best goals-per-90 last season, and I’m sure I could dig up a chart somewhere, but I’ve got homework to do before my spring break, so you can find it yourselves. I imagine Urruti will score 8-10 goals this year in all competitions, but no more than that.

Clon: Yes, Taco Bell is now offering the Sriracha Quesarito.

As much as I wish Maxi could go a full 90 at his break neck speed, I doubt he could. I hope he can maintain the goal clip. I'll be ecstatic if he posts +/-1 what he netted last season.

Dran: That first part wasn’t what I asked, but is very useful information for literally everyone.

Clon: We aim to please.

Will Gaston get 13 goals in all competitions?

Dran: Gaston scored several goals in the USOC last season, and he will surely be starting those games again this year, but he won’t get 13 goals. Plus, his contract got slightly reworked, right? So he may not need to.

Clon: No. 12. Maybe. USOC is/should be his jam. Easy to chalk up some stat pads in the early rounds.

What will the Timbers do without having Chivas to beat up on?

Dran: I don’t know, but I sure hope they utterly destroy NYCFC. I’d like to think Colorado is a team we can take advantage of, but we’ve had some nasty appearances in Commerce City. I’d also like to hope that RSL’s new formation makes it a little easier for us to break down, but they have Rimando, Beckerman, Morales, Plata, and Saborio, so they’re still just as lethal as they always have been.

Clon: Beat up on San Jose? The West is going to be brutal this season, that's no secret. I hope we beat up on everyone. Points will be sweet this season and more rare than last.

@HootieSmurf: What the hell is a MAPFRE?

Dran: After much debate and Googling, Clon and I have decided that a MAPFRE is an Earth-like planet orbiting a sun approximately 69 billion lightyears away. We don’t know whether water exists, but the atmosphere looks promising.

Clon: In addition to the planet, a Mapfre is also a small, amphibious goat that inhabits the marshes in Peru. No pictures have ever been taken of one because they have chromatophores that instantaneously blend into the environment.

@dersho_: Over/under on Merritt deleted tweets?

Dran: Taking into account the number of games we have, the recent trends in global climate change, the number of un-vaccinated children in Portland, and the recent release of the film Fifty Shades of Grey, based on the book Fifty Shades of Grey by author EL James, I’d set the Tweet-Delete Over/Under at 45.5, and say Over.

Clon: I’d place the line at 59.5 and say Over. He does it a lot more than we see. Seriously, check Tweetbunker. The man is as fickle as a junior high boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. I had a girlfriend in Junior High named Katie. She cheated on me when I went to camp. I bought her a Ty Beanie Baby for Christmas. How could she give all that up?

@mpacific: The player to get yelled at most by Porter?

Dran: Powell.

Clon: PACIFIC!...But yeah, probably Powell. Or Nagbe if he shoots poorly like he did near full time v Stabaek. I hope it’s not Kwarasey.

@mpacific: Number of times Kwarasey will make us yell out in horror by coming off his line?

Dran: I’ve already yelled several times during the preseason, so I bet it’ll be at least 20 more times this season.

Clon: 3x/game. I’m not sold on his line-keeping abilities so far. I want to be wrong so badly. #Upgrade

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Does what we wrote make sense? If not, go away, we don’t care. Or leave a comment telling us why we suck at blogging. We won’t take it personally. 

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