Chris Rifer: Selfish Fashionista

I met Chris at the Gateway breakfast house for some artery-clogging goodness and of course, bantz.

D&C:  Chris, Thanks a ton for meeting with me today, full disclosure: until just now, I thought you were simply Michael Orr’s sock twitter account, so this should be fun. Can you tell me about you background—your journey to blogging and writing and podcasting and all that?

CR: My journey to blogging and podcasting about the Timbers is really boring. Basically, I really like writing and soccer and got a lot of help in bringing those together from all sorts of people at the Timbers Army site, Stumptown Footy, and Michael Orr with Soccer Made in Portland along the way.

In that sense, then, I’m pretty selfishly motivated when it comes to soccer blogging - I do it largely because I really enjoy it. I really enjoy the process of writing pieces and hosting the pod; I really enjoy interacting with other fans even if I sometimes (okay, often) do so with a little bit of snark on Twitter; and I really enjoy getting to have a little bit of interaction with the coaches, players, and front-office personnel. I learn a ton from all of it and all of it is a blast.

When I stared doing this stuff in a more formal way at the start of 2013, I was surprised at how much cynicism I saw among some members of the media. Being obsessed with sports throughout my lifetime, I just didn’t get it - how could going to and writing about soccer games for a living be anything but ridiculously awesome? Over the last couple years I’ve become more sympathetic; although there are certainly the obvious great aspects of sports journalism, there is also sort of the inside-baseball reality of deadlines, lots of travel, not a ton of pay, and many, many evenings and weekends at work. And on top of that, sports journalists expected to fill x-number of column inches on a subject that sometimes has much more and sometimes much less than that to write about. But I’m blessed as a blogger because I get to eat my cake and have it, too. I can write what I want to write and when I want to write it. So while I’m sympathetic of some of the difficulties in more traditional sports journalism, I’m not really empathetic. And that’s the beauty of being sort of selfishly motivated in this - the second I find myself dreading going to a Timbers game (which I don’t expect to happen anytime soon), I can pack my things, ditch the press box, grab a beer, and head back to the North End.

That was long - but that’s probably not much of a surprise.

D&C: Well, you’re always welcome in the North End as far as I’m concerned. Most people probably don’t know this, but I can use Google. What role can the Portland Timbers play in Oregon’s environmental sustainability?

CR: You know those pregame projected lineups? Yeah, those are useless. Stop printing those.

D&C: The question on everyone’s mind: How would you like to respond to Mike Donovan’s comments about you from our previous interview?

CR: Well, now that Mike has joined up with the Timbers I heard he's in charge of coordinating belly rubs for media who unquestioningly write positive stories about the team and, specifically, Gavin Wilkinson. So I guess my response is that Mike is one of the hardest working, most insightful, and funniest dudes I've ever met. I mean, next to Gavin, obviously.

D&C: Very Frank Underwood-esque. Always be playing the game. I’m with you. What’s your go-to fast food if you eat any fast food?

CR: My favorite (former) food cart is Cubo de Cuba. Now they have a brick-and-mortar over on Hawthorne. Give it a go if you haven’t. Oh, that’s not what you meant by fast food? Whatevs.

D&C: Not what I meant, no, but I’ll give it a go. Do you prefer a bearded or clean-shaven Caleb Porter?

CR: Clean-shaven. In a city blanketed by a thick fog of beards and passive-aggression, clean-shaven Caleb is a breath of fresh air in both respects.

D&C: What does Caleb Porter smell like?

CR: You just asked me that - fresh air in a city of beards and passive-aggression. You want to ask me again?

Ask me again.

D&C: I’ll pass, thanks. If Liam Ridgewell asked you to design a pair of Thomas Royall swim trunks, what would yours looks like?

CR: I have the perfect design. They would be forest green, with a small, upside-down triangle of moss green on the waistband where the drawstring gets tied. Then it would have a two-tone chevron (white with a thick moss-green panel in the middle) starting at the bottom cuff on the side of the trunks with the peak of the chevron just above the crotch.

Oh, hey, don’t print that. I don’t want somebody to steal my idea.

D&C: I’m definitely printing that. It sounds too awful not to. Surely no one in their right mind would actually market and sell something that deplorable.

If you remember, we talked with Jamie Goldberg a while back about her college cafeteria. Do you have a college cafeteria story to share?

CR: Actually, I do. My junior year in college a couple classmates of mine got into an argument in the cafeteria about school politics. As debates do when the participants are both whippersnappers, the argument eventually turned personal. One of my classmates reached for her glass that formerly held water. It was empty, though, so she stood up, walked all the way across the cafeteria to the juice machine, filled it with orange juice, and came back and threw the orange juice on the young woman she’d been arguing with. The premeditation and execution that went into it was stunning.

D&C: I don’t even know what to say. I feel like she could have just raised a fist in the air and walked away. That must have felt incredible.

What scarf of the month did you vote for and why?

CR: I was under the impression we were going to avoid politics in this interview.

D&C: Touché.

Camden's Ketchup or Portland Ketchup company?

CR: I never thought I’d say this, but give me the spicy fry sauce from Boise Fry Company a block from Providence Park. I’m not much of a fry-sauce guy, but that stuff isn’t fooling around.

Oh, and it’s not that I didn’t answer your question there. I made your question better.

D&C: I’ll reserve judgement until I've been there. It’s difficult to make it past Uno Mas and still be hungry. Those tacos are insane.

Hoppy or Malty?

CR: Hoppy. I love all finely crafted beers, but IPAs are the best. Suck on that, Donovan. In the spirit of maltocrat and hopublican bipartisanship, however, I will note I’m drinking a really good black IPA right now, a Night Time Ale from Lagunitas.

D&C: Dran would love you for that. He loves CDA’s and the like. Also, I won’t judge you for drinking a beer for breakfast OR for drinking a non-Oregonian beer. It’s none of business how you choose to spend your Soccer Made in Portland bucks.

#OlivesIN or #OlivesOUT?

CR: Now even as we speak, there are those who are preparing to divide us -- the spin masters, the negative olive peddlers who embrace the olivetics of "anything goes." Well, I say to them tonight, there is not an #OlivesIN America and an #OlivesOUT America -- there is the United States of America. There is not a Calamata America and a Spanish Manzanilla America and Halkidiki America and Taggiasca America -- there’s the United States of America.

D&C: *sheds tear* I…I…That was beautiful. *blows nose loudly*

Where do you think Diego Chara will finish 2015 on the fouls committed list?

CR: First, but I only say that to make up with Donovan for my enthusiastic endorsement of IPAs.

D&C: Where do you think Darlington Nagbe will finish 2015 on the fouls sustained list?

CR: First. Amarikwa was a fluke last year. Everybody knows Nagbe is the true king of hack.

D&C: So True. Top 3 modern Timbers, Top 3 All-time Timbers?

CR: By modern, I assume you mean the MLS era. In all-time, I’ll give you a pick from each of the three major eras.

Modern: 1) Diego Valeri, 2) Diego Chara, 3) Donovan Ricketts.

All-time: 1) Peter Withe, 2) Diego Valeri, 3) Ryan Pore.

D&C: Most Mind-blowing transfer you heard about which never actually happened?

CR: I don’t usually hear too much about the things that don’t happen - the internet sleuths tend to be ahead of me on those things. But I know Joey Barton is a big fan of the Timbers, so for the sake of making things up, I’ll say Joey Barton.*

*Not intended to be a factual statement.

D&C: Thanks again for having some biscuits and gravy with me today. What are you doing right now you'd like our readers to know about?

CR: I think it’s going to be a really fun season. It’s a little bit of a quiet time right now, as I think there’s only so much useful you can pull out of the preseason friendlies. We’re geting a better picture of things in the Simple Tournament, and accordingly things look like they’ll be ramping up on both the blogging and podcast ends pretty soon here. I have a couple stories in the hopper for between now and the beginning of the season, but I think like most folks out there, I’m wringing my hands waiting for the soccer to start for real.*

*Maybe

Follow @ChrisRifer on twitter and over at @StumptownFooty

Ben Jata: The Coverage American Soccer Fans Deserve, The Hero American Soccer Fans Need

I drove from Portland to New York City last week to meet with Ben Jata, formerly of MLS Digital Media and Opta. We met up for an authentic New York slice at the Sbarro in the Theatre district at 49^th & Broadway. Ben was on time and I was a few hours late, so I certainly appreciate him sticking around.

D&C: Ben, I can’t thank you enough for meeting with me today. Most of our readers know of you but tell me about your journey becoming a member of the MLS Digital Team and Opta.

BJ: My friend and I drove from Florida to Massachusetts to do some work on my grandparents’ property back in 2010. On the way up we stopped in New York City and stayed with a friend of mine. On the way back we stopped in for another night. I was hooked.

Shortly after we got back to Florida I decided to move to New York. So, I sold my car, put all my stuff in a Uhaul and drove to NYC with no job and no place to live.

I started out working for a secondary ticket broker before moving over to a very successful soccer (coaching) company. A few months later I saw an opening for Opta analysts. I applied. Went in for an interview. Studied the software and did a trial test run a few days later. I got a strong grasp of it from the beginning and took off running with it. I analyzed the first live game of the Opta/MLS partnership, added post-match analysis shortly after, and then not too long after that I took over the @OptaJack Twitter handle.

I was having great success at Opta, but always felt the desire to work for MLSsoccer.com. I was asked to manage the back end of the fantasy game (player management, injuries, suspensions, etc.) and write fantasy and statistical/Opta analysis pieces for the site prior to the 2011 season and the rest is history.

My role with MLSsoccer.com grew year over year, but I remained heavily involved with Opta despite the transition. Over the last four years I've written nearly 350 pieces of content for MLSsoccer.com and analyzed roughly 1,000 games for Opta.

It's been a good journey. Difficult at times for a number of reasons, but overall, I've garnered a tremendous amount of experience in so many different areas. 

D&C: It’s evident you’ve worked hard and personally, I’ve always enjoyed your stuff. What are your favorite obscure stats, right off hand?

BJ: I've gone through a lot of phases since getting involved in soccer analytics four years ago. It changes all the time. Last season I put a lot of emphasis on penalty kicks because I noticed a developing trend. At the end of the day, I love all stats.

D&C: Taking the neutral route, I can respect that. PK’s are a tiny point of contention around Portland. I think I began following you because of people retweeting your PK stats a couple of seasons ago.

What's your go-to fast food (if you eat any fast food)?

BJ: Pizza, for sure. It's everywhere! Chipotle is up there. It's a go-to spot for Opta employees.

D&C: Good thing we’re here at the Mecca of pizza, Sbarro! I think Chipotle is getting a bit played. The food is good quality and it’s going to be the same no matter the location. However, there’s not really another option in that sector. You can’t tell me Qdoba is better. Not a chance. And Baja Fresh? Yea, right. The most correct answer there would have been Taco Bell, but I can appreciate pizza as well – especially the Mexipizza from Taco Bell.

Your brother pursued a professional soccer career. Had you attempted to go pro in soccer, would you have been drafted higher than 58th overall in the 2009 MLS Superdraft?

BJ: (Chuckles) That's a question I think about every now and then. I never committed myself to one sport growing up like my brother did. I split time between basketball and soccer - was equally good in both. I also lacked confidence as a teen, which greatly hindered the growth of my game. My younger brother left home to live at IMG Academy at 15. He had all the confidence in the world.

I stopped playing soccer at 17 and didn't play again until I moved to NYC nearly 10 years later. If I could go back to my early teens with the confidence I have now (regarding my game), I'm certain my story would've turned out differently. Confidence is a very important trait to have growing up. The best soccer players have just the right amount. My younger brother might've had a tad too much.

D&C: So true, so true. Dran, back in Portland, has all the confidence in the world, but he only plays futsal against 50-year olds...
Favorite place to travel for soccer and why is it Portland?

BJ: I've been up and down the East coast all my life, but I haven't been to many soccer stadiums. I'm going to Brazil in a couple weeks so I'm really looking forward to catching a game there. I want to visit every stadium in MLS before I die. Not quite sure where Portland ranks, but it's up there.

D&C: We’ll accept that answer. You’re welcome to crash on my couch when you’re in town. (Editor's Note: Dran does not recommend this. He’s done it).

You were MLSsoccer.com’s fantasy guru. What sparked your interest in fantasy soccer, or was it an assignment?

BJ: Initially it was an assignment, but I've always had an interest in fantasy sports and I've always enjoyed working with data and statistics, so it was a great fit.

D&C: Speaking of great fits, what does Simon Borg smell like?

BJ: Like whipped cream and strawberries!

D&C: You answered rather emphatically. I’d love to hear more about that off the record… Other than Dran and Clon Say Things, what’s your favorite non-soccer publication, print or digital?

BJ: Never been a huge book person. Always been more into movies. Broadway shows are a nice treat every now and then.

D&C: Awesome. I’m a Broadway fan, myself.

How do you feel about gambling on pro sports in America? I think it’s a positive thing and should be legalized/regulated.

BJ: I like to gamble. I’ve been playing poker for years. I don't bet on games much, but I'll take on a friendly wager every now and then. I play in a fantasy football league with high school friends and the pot gets pretty big. Might have to start betting on MLS in 2015. We'll see...

D&C: I suppose that’s an option since it’s not really a conflict of interests any longer.

I can’t tell you how great it’s been talking with you today. Is there anything you're involved in right now that you'd like us to know about?

BJ: I recently accepted a full-time job with a great soccer company in NYC so I won't be returning to MLS or Opta in 2015. I'll still be tracking MLS heavily, posting on Twitter and writing for AmericanSoccerNow.com (and a few other outlets) every now and then. 

Readers and followers can expect open views and a lot more transparency from me going forward.

D&C: I know that’s something MLS supporters are asking for. Thank you for being a pillar of justice. Can you pick up the tab? I’m short on cash after the drive from Portland…

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Follow Ben on Twitter @Ben_Jata and look for his work soon on AmericanSoccerNow.com

5 Minutes to Kickoff: An Exclusive Interview

Last week we sat down with Mike Donovan and discussed #stats, Rifer, and Damian Lillard. This week we spoke with the guys over at 5mTKO.com, Roberto and Nevets. In order to make them feel more comfortable with the interview, we set up a Skype conference call, cracked open a brew, and got to work.

D&C: You’ve released over 100 podds in the past few years. What prompted you to start "5 Minutes to Kickoff" (5mTKO)?

Nevets: I've been a big fan of all different types of podcasts since the moment I discovered iTunes. In regards to soccer shows the original inspiration dates to the old "107 Reports" that Obi would produce. When those faded out, the Timbers "fan" voice went quiet for a number of years. Although not as well done as what Obi did, I feel "5 Minutes to Kickoff" does a decent job keeping the Timbers discussion going throughout the season from a supporters’ perspective. 

Roberto:  Nevets bought me a beer. The next thing I knew he started recording.

D&C: Interesting. So does that mean I owe you a beer, too? Regardless, 5mTKO does do a good job keeping the discussion going, especially during the offseason.

D&C: How cold does the basement of Providence Park get at night? You still live there, right? 

Nevets: I've only ever been in the basement once, back when it was named PGE Park. It's a bit fuzzy now but it was after a halftime wheelbarrow race and on the way back to the stands I got separated from the group and ended up in the baseball equipment room. English Rick still has the Portland Beavers umbrella as proof. 

D&C: What is a “Portland Beaver”? Oh, never mind.

Roberto:  It is colder than the look Caleb Porter gives to reporters when they question his tactics. 

(Caleb Porter postgame presser after Timbers' 4-3 loss vs. Vancouver Whitecaps, Brian Gjurgevich. Watch it.)

D&C: You plug a different beer during each of your podcasts…which do you recommend for the listeners? 

Nevets: Product placement is important to our podcasting fame and fortune. The big complaint from our listeners last year is we sounded much too sober to be talking about the Portland Timbers. We must admit too many shows were recorded empty handed. <product placement>This year we promise to open many PDX beers on the podd with our Resource Revival bottle openers</product placement> 

Roberto:  I recommend all of them. Just keep them away from Nevets.

D&C: Personally, I like Elysian. But what do you recommend for our <21 audience? 

Nevets: I suggest keeping 5mTKO podds away from children and keeping children away from Timber Greg. 

Roberto: Get Kalif to make you a fake id. He needs the work.

D&C: Good advice as usual, Nevets. Roberto, you must not have read that Kalif is trialing with Vancouver…did you delete your Twitter account or something? Get with the times!

*At this point, we asked them a series of rapid-fire questions to which they had to respond as quickly as possible*

D&C: Puma or Umbro? 

Nevets: 2001 OregonLive.com Timbers Umbro kits all day. [Nevets was rocking his Scott Benedetti at the moment and Roberto was in his Brian Winters limited edition.]

Roberto: Whatever is trending on #KitNerd

D&C: Green or Gold? 

Nevets: Green. We always share our love for the Son's of Ricky. Meet me at the sunspot. 

Roberto: Whatever is trending on #KitNerd

D&C: Horizontal or vertical stripes? 

Nevets: Red Stripe. 

Roberto: Whatever is trending on #KitNerd

D&C: Taco Bell’s Chalupa or Crunchwrap? 

Nevets: Never, but The Ratskeller in Govy does a great Taco Tuesday. 

Roberto: Do they still have a fryinator at the Bullpen?

D&C: The correct answer to that last question was “XXL Chalupa”, but I’ll have to try The Ratskeller’s tacos sometime soon. But getting back to the basement of Providence Park…do they ever leave leftover Tillamook Cheese for you, or do the feral cats get to it first? 

Nevets: Has anyone seen Mia?

Roberto: I hear the food in the press box is delicious.

D&C: So they don’t even feed you? You poor things. Alright, here’s a scenario: If you got free Season Tickets for the Timbers, and free transportation to and from each game, but you had to get a tattoo of the Seattle Sounders logo and keep it visible, would you do it? 

Nevets: Dumb question. You know my answer. I rather drown in the Puget Sound. 

Roberto: I already have a tattoo of Darren Sawatzky's face on my chest. Does that count?

D&C: What has been your favorite Timbers season, and for what reasons?  

Nevets: Good question. So many seasons to choose from for so many different reasons. Have to say 2004, that summer was crazy with Josh Saunders in goal and Hugo feeding assists to the scoring machine of Alan Gordon and Byron Alvarez. It was a time when coach Bobby Howe considered his players odd if they DIDN'T stop by the Bitter End to say hello after a match. If you want to learn about Timbers legends take a look at that 2004 roster. A great group. 

Roberto: I enjoyed the snot out of the 2002 season. Fadi and Tennyson both scored 18 goals. Chugger Adair was legendary.

D&C: That’s what we’re all about here at Dran and Clon Say Things: dumb questions followed by good questions. I’ll have to educate myself on those rosters. Please describe your podd co-host in 5 words, with one of the words starting with the letter Q:  

Nevets: <Quasi> about the Portland Timbers. 

Roberto: Smarter than a quahog

D&C: Close enough, Roberto. How has recording podcasts changed your outlook on life, the universe, and everything? Possible answers include “More optimistic”, “Life’s tough”, and “Needs more cowbell.” 

Nevets: I'm more optimistic that the start of the season will make my life tough because Diego Valeri and Will Johnson are sidelined. To overcome the Timbers Army needs more capos like Cow Bell.

Roberto: It has allowed me to retire early and live off the riches.

D&C: Please list your all-time favorite Timbers in the following categories: 

D&C: Goalkeeper: 

Nevets: Matt Napoleon. The dude was a fantastic shot stopper. His halfway line attack that led to a 90th minute goal was legend. The original sweeper keeper. 

Roberto: Cole Burgman. His dad used to post on SCUSA. 

D&C: Midfielder:

Nevets: Diego Valeri. The most talented Timbers player since the 1970's. 

Roberto: Brian Winters. The most talented Timbers player since Ben Somoza

D&C: Best Hair: 

Nevets: Goalkeeping coach, Mike Toshack. I don't know how he does it. 

Roberto: There's only one Sancho!

D&C: Smallest Shin Guards:

Nevets: Wouldn't that have to be Alex Nimo? 

Roberto: Tie: Tommy Poltl and Tony McManus

D&C: Most Willing to Engage with Fans: 

Nevets: Shawn Saunders. Always chatty after bumming smokes off Finnigan and liked to talk tactics with me on those long Trimet rides to Club 205. 

Roberto: Lovel Palmer's use of social media was endearing

D&C: Colombian with Cornrows and a Large Smile: 

Nevets: Karaoke madman Dylan Tucker-Gangnes. Ever seen him do "One Love" at Chopsticks during last call? #Legend

Roberto: Kris Boyd

D&C: Those were all great answers, but I would’ve gone with Diego Chara for probably all of them.

D&C: We thank Roberto and Nevets for talking with us today, and please head over to their website to listen to their podds! They just released Episode #105! They also have a list of legal live streams from all around the world.